If there is one thing that life has taught me… It is that you only get one mother.
You may meet and love and count others as such, but you only get the one.
I personally have counted only one other as My Second Mother, because that is exactly what she was to me. She filled the role with finesse as my own flesh and blood mother would have when I looked to her for the things every child does.
I’ve been thinking about how much my mother means to me and how thankful I am that I am able to spend so much of my life with her. I am so grateful that it scares me sometimes; I can’t begin to make the right words to express how emotional I am about my mother.
I’m not generally a person who shows her emotions or carries the heart on the sleeve. In the last two years so much has changed and so much has happened. In the last two years, no in the last year I have come to realize that my intentions and my future plans were wrong. I was heading down a path that was completely wrong for me and I’ve only come to see it now. I had blinders on and I couldn’t make myself find the buckle to remove them.
It has been almost one year since my mother was in the hospital and I almost lost her. I’ve never been more scared in my life. Reliving those moments now gets me teary eyed and generally upset. I’ve also never worked as hard for anything in my life as I did in those moments.
I had been asleep in my bed when the phone call came through and I didn’t hear it. I woke up about two hours later and checked the voicemail. Mom’s then boyfriend had called me to tell me she was in the ER and that he wanted me to know. Never in my life have I ever been more upset with myself than in that moment.
I immediately called him back and he couldn’t tell me anything about what was going on because they were still “running tests” to figure out why she was in so much pain and whatnot. Keep in mind, I know my mother may not be the lightest of folks but she’s damn sure not unhealthy and knows her body better than any damn doctor ever will. She told them she thought it might have been a blood clot and they did NOT believe her until they had run enough other tests that came back with nothing. They did a Doppler on her left leg and found just that: a clot. A big one that could easily have killed her had they not found it.
By the time I got there, she was pale, sore, swollen, and you could see the distress on her face clear as day. I was so angry and relieved in that moment. I was angry that it took the staff so long to actually LISTEN to their patient. To this day I will never understand why the staff there were so rude, unresponsive, and just plain unacceptable. If I had grounds for a court case, I would have one and I would have won. Period.
I think two people were kind and gentle with us. Two. Out of the eight people we worked with, the night shift head nurse who drew blood as well as checked vitals and one other nurse who constantly was there to help me and listen to what we needed. The doctor who talked to us on December 31st was a very good person for helping us. But I only saw him once. He wrote mom prescriptions and told me to run and get them filled at walgreens just down the road a few blocks before Mom’s insurance changed with the new year. He saw how tired and beaten up I was and how Mom was and took pity. He said, “Take these, go to Walgreens right now and get them filled. I will make sure the nurses keep close watch on your mom while you are gone, it should only take you about twenty to thirty minutes or less. Go now so you don’t get stuck trying to get them tomorrow. Your mom will be fine until you get back. Go. And get a drink for yourself, you’re too tired. Be careful.”
My best friend Eura was with me the first two almost three days. We stayed awake for two entire days. I brought her home when I made a super speedy trip to get clothes for me and my mom the one time I came back home when forced to do so. I was awake for 56 hours straight with no rest, caffeine and hope being the only things keeping me going.
It was serious touch and go the entire time I was with her in the hospital, then even more so when we finally came home. I left my job because I couldn’t lose my mother. I was NOT going to leave her in the hospital. I could get another job. They had enough people to cover my shifts, they just didn’t want to deal with me not being there.
The point I had in mind when I began to write this entry was that I am grateful, thankful for my mother. I cannot imagine what this world would be like without her in it.
I will write another entry in honor of my grandmother, who has been there for me like no other.