Fun? What’s that?

Two days ago I was asked a simple question. And it has stuck in my mind like a thorn in a bear’s toe ever since.

“What do you do for fun?”

The answer to this should be a simple one, no? Wrong. I stumbled. I blinked. I blinked again. I recovered a bit then asked, “What do you mean by fun?”

I tried to play this off as just an inquiring mind filled with bored curiosity. I really tried to. This simple six word question has resonated within my mind for two days solid now… And I can’t quite figure it out.

The person who asked the question knows a small amount of what my daily life and even my weekly life is all about. They also realize how tired I always appear, and what produce I’ve discovered or am excited about the week I visit. They always ask me how I’m doing and as per my custom greeting, “Tired, busy, but I’m okay. How are you?”

Same dance, different day.

But this question just resonated with me and I still don’t think I gave them a satisfactory answer.

So. What DO I do for fun?

I enjoy just about everything that I do.

I love to read my books. I love to craft the things that I craft. I love to grow, sell, and ‘put-up’ my produce. I like my job and most of the people I work with. I love spending time with my boyfriend, too.

All of these things I enjoy doing, but the question still remains:

“What do you do for fun?”

I honestly don’t know.

There is no one thing that I do purely for the fun of it.

 

I’m not so sure I like how I feel about that revelation.

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I want more.

She says, “I want more.”

“What more could you possibly want?” What more, indeed.

Stability. Confidence. Affection. Unwavering curiosity.  A muse, if you will. Direction. Ah, but there is direction. A plan of action.

In the meantime, she is struggling. “Everyone is struggling,” they say. As if to validate themselves.

Everyone in this world is struggling with something, make no mistake about that. But to discredit someone else’s struggle is petty, and quite frankly, weak.

I want more.

I want more from this life I am living. So I’m going to take it.

I’m going to have fun I’m going to make decisions that other may question. I’m going to go places, and enjoy the experience.

And I’m going to find someone to enjoy those experiences with, if they would only join me. I don’t need someone with me to enjoy experiences. In fact, I usually enjoy most things more on my own. I’ve learned that we as a society are far too dependent upon one another for our own happiness. This knowledge leaves a mark on the psyche and it hurts.

I am more.

I am more. I’m not just going to be more I already am, and there is always room to learn, to love, to grow.

I will not judge, for that is not me. I should expect others to judge me. It is in the nature of people to administer judgement onto others.

Ignorance is not bliss.

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Maybe This Is Why I’ll Never Stop Loving You — Thought Catalog

Brandon WoelfelYou were the one thing I couldn’t have, so I ran. I understand it now, as I watch the San Francisco lights dance past this airplane window. I realize that you are the one man whom I would settle down with, start a life with, build a future with. There’s something about you, always…

via Maybe This Is Why I’ll Never Stop Loving You — Thought Catalog

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Stop Playing Games And Just Let Me Love You — Thought Catalog

mespilmanThis might scare you, but I know what you’re capable of. I know you’re capable of something real. I know that if you honestly wanted to, you could be an incredible partner for someone. I can’t put my finger on it, but I’ve always felt potential when you walk in the room; maybe not always…

via Stop Playing Games And Just Let Me Love You — Thought Catalog

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I’ve been Triggered.

I learned today that I have a trigger. 
That trigger would be my ex boyfriend. 
He spoke to my current boyfriend today and apprently felt the need to warn him that I am
 not a good housekeeper. He spoke like he was angry at me. Truth be told... 
I am very triggered by this. I did not handle our breakup as well as I should have. I bungled it severely.
I firmly believe that if I had not ended it when I did, we would both be miserable. There have been times that I have wanted to apologize for my behavior. 
I have yet to do so. I think two years is a little late for apologies. Truth is, I can't deal with how I feel when I'm around him. 
He creates a reaction so deep and raw inside me that sometimes, when I'm least expecting it, stops my breath and leaves my head pounding. 
We both made mistakes. I should have done more to better myself while we were together. He should have done more for himself as well. I needed more patience. 
I regret that I mishandled the situation, but I do not regret ending the relationship. I constantly worry over things I shouldn't worry about, due to my emotional/mental scarring.
I've worked very hard to become the person I am today. I've spent over two years getting here. 
But today... today I was triggered. 

Today I learned what it was to be triggered.



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Here’s Why You Should Date The Undateable

We are layered creatures of extremes and sharp habits in a world that insists we should be softer, more acceptable, more lovable.

Source: Here’s Why You Should Date The Undateable

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Knee Replacement Surgery and Glue

My grandmother had total knee replacement surgery today. Left knee.

Let that sink in for a moment.

My grandmother is the glue that holds my entire family together.

Let me break it down for you.

There’s Grandma and Grandpa. Grandma runs the family, singlehandedly.

They have five children. My uncles Drew, Damon, and Kylie. (eldest to youngest) My Mother, Minnette, and my aunt Thea.

They have a comedic collection of grandchildren, some of which gave them great-grandchildren.

Krystle, Travis (my brother), Jessica, Sarah (me), Kase. And the younger ones are Gabriel, Greyson, AJ, Duncan, and Kaylie.

Krystle and Jessica have children of their own now and they are all amazing. (Because of course they are!)

All of these people were made possible because of my grandmother. She’s amazing.

She’s like the original super woman. Not only did she raise those five kids plus us youngins when time allowed, but she also took care of all of our friends and made money on the side by caring for other people’s children.

There are so many things that no one knows about my grandmother that I’m pretty sure if someone tried to write her memoirs their fingers would fall off.

My point, and the idea for this post, was that my grandmother has never been a person to let others know shes not 100%. Right now.. I’d say she’s at about 30% maybe and she’s fighting so hard to keep me from taking care of her. She thinks me taking this time for her is a terrible inconvenience. She’s wrong. She’s taken care of me my whole life to help my mother when she was working. Why the heck wouldn’t I take this time for her? I don’t care about money or things or whatever. I care more about my grandmother, MY FAMILY, than I do about ANYTHING else in this world.

Almeta Part has been there for me in ways that most people would dream about. She says to me all the time. Don’t worry about me, take care of yourself. If you need help, we will figure it out.

She’s just the best. I could say the same for my mother as well. the Partin women are a force to be reckoned with.

Hashtag: Partin Women Hurrah!

Add on:

I could go on and on but I got the point across with this. Later, much much later, I plan on dedicating one whole entry to my grandmother and one to my mother as well.

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