So I havent updated at all since my brother passed. I really need to get this junk out of my brain.
Today, the 24th of February, is my mother’s birthday. She had her boyfriend make her a cake (chocolate) and it came out reasonably well.
My brother, Travis, came out here. We were all under the impression that he was coming to work on the car. No dice. He came out here to rid grandma of these annoying buzzards that have been hounding us lately. Problem solved with bottle rockets and Roman Candles.
Joey came and picked me up, we took the car to Prestridge Ford in Roanoke, and met Travis there. They bonded over the BS transmission issues and drained the transmission then put new fluid and stop leak in it. It still doesn’t have reverse and still wont go into fourth gear. It goes to third (when it wants to) and just revs like hell and goes faster after that. No reverse, needs new transmission, and Travis seems like its a major problem for him to even bother with it anymore. (That may just be my temper coming out but who knows.)
After they put all that fluid in it, decided it was a lost cause, and Travis left; we went and picked up lunch. After we put our respective vehicles back in order, we went our ways and it turned into an okay day.
Car still doesnt run right, wont run right, and im out of a ride for three-six weeks. F^(%.
My brain has been addled for quite a while now, but I’ve been valiantly trying to hold it together. I mean, Its hard for me to do this, this thing I call life. It’s really hard right now.
I’m working really hard to regain my equilibrium.
I’m stressed over everything and I’m still mourning. I can’t deal with it all and its beginning to take a toll on me again. I hate it.
I worry about my current classes, about whether or not I’m going to get into housing at Troy, my dumb car, how I’m supposed to get there if I get in, I worry about my future… All of this I worry about every day. I cant just flip a switch and turn it off. I wish I could but I cant and I wasnt built with a way to try to do that.
I’m hurting and there’s not a damn thing anyone can do about it.