I’ve been pondering some things, again, as per the usual, yadda yadda yadda.
I’ve been pondering myself. Which is unusual, even for me, being the strange intellectually intrusive and sometimes outright strange person that I am.
I’ve recently been pondering why I’m not the party animal person that I often wish I could be.
I dont drink (right now I cant because of my medications) and I don’t smoke anything at all, and I dont go out and party with anyone. I’ve never been much of a party-goer and now I’m kinda wishing that I had when I’d had the chance. I’ve been really kind of interestingly lonely lately, as if I’m actually missing human contact outside of my family. It’s really odd to me.
I’m not essentially a people person by nature, but I do enjoy a decent conversation with just about anyone who can keep up one. I have a few intellectually sound friends who will engage me in conversation just about anywhere and then I have those friends who wish they knew how the hell my brain worked most of the time. This Hodge-podge group of friends and me have been through a whole bunch and they are so great. So so great and they all can make me smile.
I have been wanting to get out of my personal space and go do something crazy for a long time. I’m just really unsure of what that crazy thing would or could be. I want to really just go all out and enjoy myself but still be able to drive myself home or back where I came from at the end of the night. You see, I think my problem lies wherein that I find myself being a bit too responsible. I take care of others above myself and in doing so, I usually dont get to have as much fun. Sad, but very true. And I know this about myself because over time I have noticed that more and more of my friends come to me when they need a responsible person to talk to, converse with, help with personal things they are trying to work out… Things of that nature in general.
People come to me for advice and conversation on a variety of topics that astound me sometimes. And I have to say.. I love a good conversation way too much to ever turn it down.
There have been a few times when complete strangers have come up to me because they have heard me talking to others before and just straight up ask for my advice. Albeit, most of those times are things to do with money management for meals and the like and how to set up a decent schedule at Southern Union.. they ask me all the same without even knowing me.
I’m a photographer, a lifelong student, and I’m me. *shrugs*
Back to what I was originally speaking about; I feel like I need to go have a damn good time out somewhere and just let loose. I want to do that and have a bunch of fun with friends or strangers, dance my butt off, and laugh like I’ve never laughed before.
Does that seem like something I could or would do?
Is it too much for me to ask for (right now?)