I’ve been Triggered.

I learned today that I have a trigger. 
That trigger would be my ex boyfriend. 
He spoke to my current boyfriend today and apprently felt the need to warn him that I am
 not a good housekeeper. He spoke like he was angry at me. Truth be told... 
I am very triggered by this. I did not handle our breakup as well as I should have. I bungled it severely.
I firmly believe that if I had not ended it when I did, we would both be miserable. There have been times that I have wanted to apologize for my behavior. 
I have yet to do so. I think two years is a little late for apologies. Truth is, I can't deal with how I feel when I'm around him. 
He creates a reaction so deep and raw inside me that sometimes, when I'm least expecting it, stops my breath and leaves my head pounding. 
We both made mistakes. I should have done more to better myself while we were together. He should have done more for himself as well. I needed more patience. 
I regret that I mishandled the situation, but I do not regret ending the relationship. I constantly worry over things I shouldn't worry about, due to my emotional/mental scarring.
I've worked very hard to become the person I am today. I've spent over two years getting here. 
But today... today I was triggered. 

Today I learned what it was to be triggered.


About spartinlaws

I am a photographer, and I live my life the best way that I can: Happily.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s